How much or how little of my life belongs on these pages?
It may be impossible to continue without writing more in detail about the dailiness in life. Not to say the trivial, but how one gets through difficult times.

I seem to be craving architecture. A structure for the mind to contain the emotions. How to keep the building standing is one element, but doing so with grace is another.

My mother is dying.
I had to write this to Gideon Loewenstein.
I didn't want to.
In order to continue this blog I must also write it here.
She is fierce.

My husband says that we are all dying.
It's not the same.

Bob Caigan went to work the last time I saw him in 1978.
He wore a blue jacket and a Paul Smith tie
with motorcycles on it.
It looked like a Peter Max print and yes,
I was an 11 year old who knew that.

I remember thinking about starting this project
and what to call it.
BOB'S DAUGHTER came to mind very quickly.
I have often heard that if one does this or that then -
"Bob's your uncle!"
As a kid I would laugh and think, "No, he's my father!"

The last time I saw my grandmother, Bob's mother,
she did not remember me.(I don't remember what she was wearing).
She was 97 years old and had memory loss.
Uncle Herbie and I tried to give her clues to my identity.

Finally I said, "I'm Bob's daughter"
She paused
became agitated
looked me and said,
"Bob's dead."
I said, "Yes, but I am his daughter."
She looked at me.
I said,"I was born before he died."
She looked at me.
Then she said,
"Well you seem like a nice girl, so if you say that
you are my Grand-daughter then I believe you."
End of discussion.

She was very practical.
I'm...something else.

Love,
Bob's Daughter

YIPPEE - the most appropriate word

I opened an email account that I only check every few days and found an email from Gideon Lowenstein! So wonderful. I will not post it here as it doesn't seem proper to post someone's mail to me, but I will post my response.

Hi!!!!

I only just checked this email address and am so happy to find your email.
I became a bit shy after calling you out of the blue.

The email that I check several times a day is ecaigan@zapgarden.com

You googled (or binged) me?
Fun!

This is how this all began...
www.robertcaigan.blogspot.com

You may have already found it?

Here is some information about my brother Peter
http://dreamlandrecording.com

http://www.petecaigan.com/Petes_Site/Petes_Site.html

and a bit more about me:

http://www.linkedin.com/profile?viewProfile=&key=44782986&locale=en_US&trk=tab_pro

An interview I did with the artist Carolee Schneemann will be in the forthcoming catalog for the Samuel Dorsky Museum at SUNY New Paltz. One of the topics is social sculpture and I often think of this in terms of architecture. Once it is formally published may I send it to you?

May I ask a couple of questions?
Did you ever build the chair that is also a carrying a case?
I am very curious about this.
Did you and Dad go to Harvard together?

Thank you for emailing.
Best wishes,
Emily

I wonder if he will check this blog?

Mr. Loewenstein, if you read this it would be wonderful if you would comment. If that is not what you feel comfortable doing then please do let me know at my email address and I will make our correspondence private. Knowing you is more important than this project! I am of course presuming that you are reading this.

Puzzles...past and present

I am thinking about what to email Mr. Loewenstein.

I will thank him for sharing stories with me.
Will I send him a link to this blog?

This would constitute a new step in the process - including the people who have become part of the story as readers and possible participants in the story since they may leave comments. As I write this I feel that I must include the link and tell him about the blog.

This is a puzzle...I like puzzles.

It is a moving puzzle and the pieces aren't set and predetermined to make a picture, which is really a story.

When I looked at the furniture designs today I thought "these look like puzzles that move from 2D to 3D".

I have a new understanding about why my father wouldn't let me keep the Barbie Townhouse he and my mother bought me for Hanuka when I was a child. I remember him trying to put it together for hours while I sat on the stairs - watching. He was frustrated and eventually yelled out, "This is going back! If a Harvard architect can't put it together then it's a piece of junk!" Oh, I cried and cried. I wanted that Barbie Townhouse.

I get it now - it offended him. It was poorly designed and if design is a learned thought process then it couldn't be good for me to play with a badly designed toy.

xoxo,
Bob's Daughter

I AM SMILING

This adventure has taken a wonderful turn! I followed the patent search and registered at freepatentsonline.com and today I received a confirmation email to use the site. I searched my father right away and found 5 patents. I started to cry looking at the designs because I grew up with furniture that resembled these designs. The structure and shapes are part of my visual vocabulary. It is like hearing a language that has been silent for many years.

One of the patents lists a co-designer whose name I did not recognize, Gideon Loewenstein.
I googled him.
He was listed online in an article relating to the 2009 Norwich CT Historical Society Board of Directors.
I called 411 and asked for Norwich CT and his name.
I was given a phone number and with a moment of hesitation...
I called. Mr. Loewenstein picked up the phone and I introduced myself.

I can barely write this my mind is moving so fast. No, my father will not answer the email I was promised from Yourlife/mylife - but this is psychologically, emotionally and (I keep writing spiritually and then deleting it) - very meaningful for me.

Mr. Loewenstein was wonderful to speak with and remembered me and my father very well. He told me that he and my father used to speak about the name Caigan and that they did research and believe the name was Caganovich in what he called "the old country".

He remembers my mother and design work he did with my father from 40 years ago.We talked about my family, his family and our work. He said that he has friends in the area and that we could meet for a meal. Then he gave me his email address and asked me to email him.

I am incredibly touched and amazed.

xoxo,
Bob's Daughter