knock

(enter mid conversation)

 What?

The email I sent to her bounced back.

You email mom?

Sometimes, but this time it came back.

How often do you do this??

Only a few times, but it’s never come back before.

What do you say?

You know, “Hi Mom, I miss you. love, Pete”

Only a few times? You’re not doing this all the time are you?

No!  (he laughs) Just sometimes. 

There should be a heaven.com where people can email their dead relatives.

Do you read Bob’s Daughter?

Sometimes, I read the most recent one. You wrote about me.

Is it ok that I write about you?

Yeah, it’s cool.

-----------------------------------------

Bob’s Son would like Heaven.com and Bob’s Daughter wants Intelius to burn in hell, not the people, just the company, which according to US Law has the same rights as a living person. What rights does a dead person have? Not the right to be left in peace. It’s a sick form of Avatar that companies can prop up my dead father and ask me to email him.

I suspect that Peter sleeps better than I do and right now I miss the little boy who would knock on the wall between our childhood bedrooms to see if I was awake. Of course once he knocked, I woke up. 

Until next time,

Bob's Daughter

Julia

Uncle Herbie's partner, Dan, to whom he is married, was diagnosed with throat cancer. Uncle Herbie is very calm and emailed his family and friends to tell us that Danny will need surgery and chemo, but that his prognosis is good. When I spoke with Uncle Herbie he did not want to discuss it, instead he said, "I've thought of another name for a child, if I had one." I must not have responded quickly enough while I was processing this statement. "I do that", he added. "Now I think the best name is Julia." I jumped in, "Didn't you have an aunt Julia?" "Yes! I loved her, oh everyone loved her. That's one of the reasons I like the name Julia." Again, I must not have spoken quickly enough because he changed the topic. I don't remember what the next part of the conversation entailed. I'm still thinking about a woman named Julia.

xoxo,
Bob's Daughter

Again

I meet other parents with young children and they often talk about their own parents, "taking care" of their kids. I have no social experience with what they are describing. It is a design for living that is purely conceptual for me. I have a brother who is a wonderful, "Uncle Pete" and a sister-in-law who is kind with our girls and plays with them when we all get together. I listen when women talk about, "dropping the kids of with their grand-parents". I imagine the scenario and then there is the scratched record sound, the repeat vibration, the body memory for having to walk over to the record player and gently lift the needle and place it down in a groove slightly ahead of the spot where it scratched, watching the turntable spin, catching the rhythm, like skipping in on a moving jump rope, sometimes not catching it and having to try a second and third time. By this point, I am no longer upset about the momentary feeling of loss of a  projected, and impossible present.

And if that doesn't work. Well, Bob's still alive on My Life. I just checked.



Forever,
Bob's Daughter